i dialed an emergency minus 500 last night. what city? athens. what state? ohio. had an odd urge to speak to the creator of so many zeroes and ones but couldn't decide if unsolicited call from other end of computer would be a welcome suprise or an awkward intrusion. that and since the tenth grade i've made it a habit of not calling any girl unless she gives me her number. i was nervous. i was fifteen. matching a voice to the words. i wouldn't know what to expect. what then, is the fate of such electronic rencontres? do they remain words on a screen, or do we by nature try to whisper some sort of actual human breath into the elctronic static body? i would like to hear her voice.

a russian gay fantasia crowded jewish bedpans last friday night. angels in america. the second part and three hours long. time to think about being ashamed of being ashamed of. small society filled with disapproving scowls, frowned from behind. feeling very alone. luckily, yellow painted wood was there to form the frame for a drunken hug. bald swedish literal translations and spanish speaking jewelry leaving gave me the occasion to settle accounts. the balance was positive. it felt good.