friday night and i'm on campus at a friend's apartment awaiting matt facey's 'get shit faceyed and find your future wife' flyer party. i figure ten pm is the time to show up as the party will most definitely be broken up by the cops. flyers abound the southern baptist dry campus where frat boys do keg stands to the tune of a chorus of baritone "dude"s. i will stand and make witty demeaning jokes to some stupid girl that agrees to make out later. she won't understand a single one. since i don't drink, i wont' be getting 'shit faceyed' and i'm not holding my breath on the prospect of finding my future wife.