i spend most of my time not doing something else. i watch hours and days and months pass by while i'm not writing my novel, while i'm not writing my thesis, while i'm not finding a job i like. i've constructed an existence full of barriers and obstructions, full of reasons why i'm not doing much of anything at all. these reasons are not the grand and often unsurmountable stumbling blocks of destiny. my name is not job. the reasons why i'm not doing anything are doubt, fear, laziness, siestas, jerking off. not doing is fatiguing me. my muscles are weary from inaction; my brain is taxed from disuse.